The India-England Test series has been more of a high-school drama than a cricket match, with the International Cricket Council (ICC) playing the role of the stern, slightly bewildered principal. And boy, has India been spending a lot of time in the office lately.
While England is quietly getting on with its schoolwork (minus a brief, detention-worthy over-rate infraction), India's report card is a sea of red marks. Let's review the disciplinary record, shall we?
Rishabh Pant: He earned himself a demerit point for throwing a tantrum. Apparently, the umpire said no to a ball change, and Rishabh’s inner child decided to respond with the universal language of "fine, I'll take my toys and go home!" (or at least, throw the ball on the ground).
Mohammed Siraj: He got a demerit point for an "aggressive celebration" after a wicket. We're not sure if it was a celebratory dance that breached personal space or a very passionate air-guitar solo, but the ICC clearly decided it was "inappropriate physical contact"—a phrase that sounds less like a cricket offense and more like a warning on a school bus.
Akash Deep: This one is still being debated in the principal's office. Akash gave Ben Duckett a "mocking arm-around" gesture.
1 It's the cricketing equivalent of a sarcastic pat on the back, and the jury is still out on whether it's a Level 1 or just a regular, passive-aggressive Level 0.
Meanwhile, England seems to be a master of the "get away with it" strategy. Their only real sanction was a fine and a deduction of World Test Championship points for a slow over-rate, which is a bit like getting a team-wide detention for not finishing your homework on time. No individual demerit points, mind you.
The most notorious incident involved captain Ben Stokes, who tried to force a draw with a premature handshake. It was a move so audacious, so against the "spirit of cricket," that it was like trying to end a class presentation halfway through by shouting "I'm done!" and walking off. The Indian batsmen, who were close to milestones, understandably refused, leading to some visible frustration from Stokes and his teammates.
This brings us to the age-old question: How did England pull off this magic trick? It turns out the ICC Code of Conduct is less of a rigid law book and more of a suggestion box. Actions like a verbal taunt or a passive-aggressive handshake, while clearly against the "spirit of cricket," might not be explicitly listed as a demerit-point offense. It’s like the rulebook has a whole chapter on not running with scissors but nothing on the subtle art of giving a side-eye.
Ultimately, it all comes down to the match referee—the principal's most trusted hall monitor. He gets to decide if a player's frustration is just "competitive passion" or a clear violation of school rules. In this series, it seems India’s passion has been a little too competitive, while England has mastered the art of being just rude enough to annoy but not rude enough to get grounded.
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