Ringmaster Kirsten

Ringmaster Kirsten has taken charge and cracked his whip without delay.

Kirsten wants the two teams, visiting South Africans and the Indians, to be put in separate hotels rather than be lodged in the same one. He is of the opinion that if the two teams were to be put together, it could breed familiarity and affect the 'rawness' and 'competitive' edge of the Indians.

I honestly doubt separating the teams will do the trick. In order to retain the 'rawness' and the 'competitive edge' of our cricketers we need to do what the Romans did to their lions - starve them.

I suggest, as a good measure, to chain our cricketers to the bedpost and leave them to starve for a couple of days before the Tests. It is sure to make them raw and decidedly competitive.

What do you think of my suggestion? Will it do?If you think that chaining the cricketers and starving them isn't enough, please say so. Your suggestions will be forwarded to the 'Ringmaster' Kirsten.